Forgiveness

In the sermon on the mount, Jesus taught,

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Think about that for a minute.

Forgiveness is an absolutely critical element in the kingdom of God. The fact is, we are going to be offended, wounded, and just plain mistreated by people in our lives. Its an inescapable reality of life in a dark world. We have to learn to forgive, or we will carry around wounds and offenses in our hearts, and it will impact every part of our lives. But its not easy. Many people have written books on forgiveness, giving us explanations and formulas of how to do it. One common element of thought is,

"Its a choice, not a feeling."

They tell us how to identify our offense, and steps to take in forgiving the person involved. Its usually pretty simple to understand, and not all that hard to walk through the steps. I honestly believe that when we sincerely pursue forgiveness on that level, that we satisfy God's commandment to forgive. He is simply looking for a sincere heart of desire for reconciliation and peace. Its all we can do.

But...

There is more.

Twice in the past few years I have experienced deep wounding that touched the very core of my being. I couldn't get free from my offense. I tried. I followed the steps of forgiveness. I prayed and spoke the right words before God. But the wound and it's pain were still there. It was like walking around with a knife in my heart. I was functional, but the pain was always there. In both situations, I continued to pray and forgive and ask the Lord to heal my heart. I didn't want to settle for a "technical" forgiveness. I wanted that full emotional release that would enable me to freely love the one who had offended me.

The first release came a couple of years ago. I was sitting with a bunch of friends, studying and discussing the reality of loving without judgment. We were sharing experiences, and talking about principles in a book we were reading together, when the Holy Spirit began to speak to my heart, and show me how it applied specifically to my situation. In a moment of time, He let me see things from His perspective, and my heart was set free. The unforgiveness and the accompanying heaviness lifted like a cloud carried away by the wind. Tears filled my eyes as I described what I had just experienced while we sat there. It was incredible. The truth set me free.

And it happened again last night. I had carried "the wound of all wounds" for almost two years. It had crippled me emotionally. This wasn't a knife in my heart. It was like my heart had been put through a shredder. I forgave and forgave and forgave... but to no avail. I tried to walk in love, but my heart was heavily guarded. I was tempted to shut down completely many times, but the Lord just wouldn't let me. He would always come at my darkest moments and give me hope and strength to persevere.

And God is merciful. Wondrously merciful. He came for me again, and liberated my heart to once more walk in His peace. He came and revealed true understanding about my situation that set me free. I didn't read a book, apply the principles, and experience the results. I had applied the scriptural principle of forgiveness for a long time, but my heart was still bound. This was something more. This was God shining light in my darkness, and the darkness was vanquished. I did have to respond properly. It wouldn't have happened if I had hardened my heart toward this person. "We can't do God's part, and He won't do ours." I wanted to forgive. I wanted to walk in His ways. I wanted restoration.

And He gave it to me. A gift of grace. A healed heart.

Thank you Lord.