First love

2Cor 5:6-11 ...we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others.

The fear of the Lord. I can't escape the idea lately. Its not about being afraid of God. Its about really seeing Who it is that we have encountered. I love that I can call Him "Abba". I love that I am encouraged to "come boldly before the throne of grace". It's unspeakably awesome that He calls me "friend". But He is still God. Infinite, uncreated Creator of the universe. And we are told that we will stand before that throne as a judgment seat. We are told that our works will be judged. How we live our lives each day matters... it really matters. There is a perversion of the gospel that is rampant in our land. It says that our works are of no consequence. "Its all under grace." No accountability. It relies on a few passages of scripture taken out of context, and ignores many clear passages that tell us that God is after reality in our lives. Grace provides forgiveness of sin, and the opportunity for restoration of relationship. But we must have a repentant heart. We must have a sincere desire to have that relationship restored. "Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord." He calls us to be set apart, holy, unto Him. Our life is no longer our own. Before we meet Him, we are independent beings, doing our own thing. After we are born again, we are sons and daughters of God, servants of the King. We submit ourselves to His loving leadership. Modern American christianity often presents salvation as receiving a "Do not go to hell" pass. We still get to live our selfish, pleasure-seeking, materialistic lives. But now we get to go to heaven when its over. Heck of a deal. I am not standing back in judgment on people who have believed that message. My heart is grieved that people are being sold a bill of goods. I bought it myself for a number of years. I heard the true gospel when I was young, and embraced it for about ten years. Then the cares of this world took root in my heart, and slowly I gave in to compromise and willful sin. It didn't happen overnight. It was a little bit at a time. Drifting away. I allowed my beliefs to subtly shift to justify the deception that was taking over. Outwardly I still did all the right things. Church, small groups, avoiding all the really big sins. But my heart was growing cold and hard. I wanted more stuff, more and bigger and better. I wanted security. I wanted to make enough money to prevent me from ever having to trust God. Saving is good, but that savings can become an idol. It can become that thing in which I put my trust. The list of idols in American culture is almost endless.

So now I find myself crying out to God to renew my heart. I want my first love. I want to serve Him in the way in which He deserves. Its His grace and mercy once again that I find that cry rising in my heart. I wouldn't even know I was becoming blind if He didn't open my eyes to see it. But how will I respond? When I hear Him calling to me, will I follow after Him? Or will I just think about, and maybe talk about it over coffee with friends? Will I rise up and seek Him with all my heart? Its the most important question in my life.

Help Lord...